unconscious dreams

3

To dream of clouds represents situations in your life which overshadow everything else. Noticeable or powerful distractions, delays, or disappointments. The number 3 in a dream may reflect chaos. There may be unpredictability in your life.-dreambible.com

Tuesday, April 28, 2015;Unconscious dreaming
I arrived at work sometime later in the day than my usual time. The sun shone out of a cloudless blue sky as I drove around the parking area several times but could not find an empty space. I called my boss to inform him of the problem I had while I continued to hunt for a spot. He told me I could drive over to one of our new offices at the south end of the yard and park in the driveway there. He stated that no one would be there today, and I did not have to worry about being towed.

I drove over to the building and found a small driveway in front and parked. I left my backpack in the trunk; it had been after lunch, and I would be coming back and leaving in just over three hours. Walking from the car to the office to check in took about five minutes. Within four minutes of my walk, something caught my eye to the northeast. I spotted a large cumulus cloud rising quickly in the distance. I could only see the top as one of the buildings was in the way; because of the speed at which it rose, my curiosity made me jog to get around the building.

In the clearing, I saw it was a mushroom cloud many miles away. What came to mind was a nuclear explosion, but I had not seen a flash or heard anything; however, the entire cloud was pure white. As I stood watching the cloud, people came to a stop and stared as well. Moments later, another white mushroom cloud rose a little farther north than the first one. Again, there had not been any flash or sound wave coming from either cloud, but I did begin to worry.

These clouds were not normal, and an eerie feeling began to overwhelm me. I turned and rushed back to my car. While I ran through the yard others began to panic also, even more when they saw me in a heated run. I made it to the building and turning the corner; I saw my car was gone. I rushed over to a guard shack a few yards down and asked if they had seen it. The guard informed me he had it towed because I had not had the decal for that area. I explained I had been given permission from my boss; he knew nothing about it.

I had to have my car, so there was no need to argue. I asked about its location and found to my relief, it did not go to a towing yard but a fenced in lot at the north end of the shipyard. Before I left, the guard informed me I would not be able to retrieve the car, all gates were in lock down. I could leave the yard but without the car. I left and rushed to the north end. I could do without the car if I had to, but I needed my backpack in order to make it home.

Along the way, I glanced over to where the last cloud had erupted to see yet another one blossoming up north of the second and just as white as the others. Guards were out in the streets directing workers away from the piers and to the mustering [emergency] areas. As I passed one of the guards, he shouted that I could go no farther in the yard and had to either report to my area or exit the facilities. I turned toward one of the buildings as if I were going inside. Instead, I ran around the back side and continued to the towing area; the three clouds continuing their rise into the heavens. Making it to the fence, I located the entrance. The gate had been chained locked, but I knew I could slip through.

Close by, another guard was directing people from the work areas; I ran over to him and explained I needed my car. He said that was impossible today especially with the emergency. I then asked if I could go inside to retrieve some things out of the trunk, I was denied. He ordered me to follow the crowd to our stations; I turned and rushed away. I went back to the chain locked fence, looking behind me to see the guard watching. I had no choice; I needed my supplies. I dashed under the chain and inside the lot, hearing the guard shout out after me. Once in, I ducked down hurrying between the cars hoping to stay out of sight and make it to the car before caught.

Every so often, I would have to stand and take a quick look for the car. I spotted the hoods of several white cars in different areas and headed to the closest one. I could hear the guard shouting for backup. I made it to the first white car— it was not mine. I slipped my head up again and found the next nearest one; that too was not mine. Third time was a charm and, staying on my knees, I popped the trunk. Reaching in, I pulled out my bag and tossed it on my back. I gathered some other things I may need and closed the trunk.

I could not risk being caught. I did not believe he would arrest me, but my bag may be confiscated. I made my way back toward the gate noticing a guard posted there, my only exit. I moved back among the cars and began making my way along the fence line in hopes of finding a way over or under. Somewhere along my search, I awoke.

Pets In A Cup

Thursday, April 2, 2015; Unconscious dreaming

I was out with a good friend, Cliff, who was helping me look for a pet at a department store. One of the staff pointed where the pets were, and I headed over to the aisle. I walked the aisle but all I saw were stores of large cups but could hear animal sounds, all in distress. Upon a closer inspection, I could see that the sounds were coming from the cups lining the shelves. A sign above the shelves read ‘pets in a cup’. On the shelves along the left hung a sign saying, ‘puppies in a cup’. On the right the sign read, ‘kittens in a cup’.

Looking back to the left, I could now see the cups held puppies of several varieties: Dalmatians, Rottweilers, Dachshunds and others. These puppies were at the age of just being weaned from their mothers. Their small forms were tightly packed and sealed in clear cups with minuscule holes in the tops for air. The kittens were the same. Another but small sign along the shelves stated, “Expiration date, 32 hours after packing,” which meant if not sold and released, they would die.

I became more aware of their small whimpering, and their bodies so tightly packed, they were immobilized. I could not take their suffering and reached up, grabbing the first cup nearest me. I ripped open the top and pulled out a Dalmatian pup and released it onto the floor. I then pulled the next cup off and did the same. Those I had not gotten to rose their voices pleading that I would get to them. My friend Cliff saw what I was doing and began helping in the rescue.

We had made it through the puppies and started on the kittens when the manager of the department store stepped into the aisle.

What do you think you’re doing?” he screamed at us. I stepped up and got into his face.

We’re releasing the animals from their suffering, and before they die,” I told him.

You can’t come in here and do that, it’s illegal. These animals are store property; I’m calling the police,” the manager shot back.

Go head,” I screamed, “because I’m calling PETA. This is abuse. You and anyone else involved will be going to jail.” I turned away and went back to ripping open the cups and pouring the kittens onto the floor along with the puppies. A movement caught the corner of my eye and when I looked, the manager had joined me and Cliff in freeing the animals. When I came to the last in line of cups, there sat a square box. Inside was an octopus packed as tightly as the others but due to his gelatinous body, his tentacles squirmed around inside slimming things up. Being out of his element, he had to be suffering even more.

I pulled the box down but could not locate the lid. I punched the box in four sides opening small holes. On the fourth hole, the octopus flung out his tentacles and used them to push against my chest. The force caused me to drop him before I could finish breaking open the box. On the floor, the octopus ran off in a bizarre scene which reminded me of the green aliens on the Simpson’s.

I finished my line of cups and saw Cliff and the manager working on the last ones. I looked around to find more and noticed a monitor used in store advertising. I walked over and looked at the display. On the screen was a documentary on the company packing the animals and their procedure. Top opened cages ran parallel on each side of a conveyor belt. Inside the cages, were the puppies and kittens separated with their own kind. On the belt rode a line of cups, above the cups hung robotic arms. While the pups and kits played among themselves, the arms reached down and would snatch up one of the animals. The helpless creature then got pushed into the cup unexpectedly causing their limbs to become distorted. It was bad enough been packed so tightly, but this would greatly add to the pain.

I could not watch anymore and felt bile begin to rise in my throat. I ran up to the manager and asked where the restrooms were; he pointed to the back of the store. I took off, hoping I could keep things down until I reached the toilet. At the back of the store I searched but did not find them. I found a salesman for the store and asked where the restrooms were; he said he was new and did not know. Just then Cliff ran up and said he had found them. I followed him as we ran down the back wall to a single door. Cliff threw the door open and I rushed in. I dropped to the floor sticking my head over the toilet. As I heaved, I awoke.

72

To dream of the number 72, may reflect feelings about how terrible it is to finally have to face conflict you don’t want to deal with. No longer being able to avoid a conflict.” dreambible.com. This dream would relate to an earlier dream; “It’s The Cowards Way Out.”

Sunday, March 1, 2015; Unconscious dreaming

My wife and I were going through a home we had just bought, unseen. The home was one story tall, and we entered through the front door which led into a large living room. The room was about twenty by twenty feet and furnished with a couch along both right and left walls. One each end of the couch was an end table with a tall lamp and simple white shade covering the bulb. On each side of the end tables stood large cushioned chairs matching the coaches. In the center of the room ran a coffee table from the first set of chairs to the furthest chair.

Directly across the living room was the kitchen, it too was quite large. In the kitchen all appliances ran across the far wall, along the right and left walls were six doors each. I walked over to the first door on the left and looked in. Inside ran a wide and winding hallway with doors along each side of the walls. I stepped in while my wife waited at the kitchen. I walked over to the first door on the right and opened it. The door opened to a large, well furnished bedroom. On the far side, I could see another door, which was opened to a full bathroom.

I went in and examined the room. It held a king-size bed with beautiful patterned bedding. The room was set up like a high end hotel. In the bathroom hung towels and a shower curtain, which matched the bedding. The sink’s counter was stocked with all the necessities such as soaps, shampoos and conditioners. I left and went back out into the hall crossing over to the next door. Inside I found another bedroom. This one also was fully furnished, although decorated differently than the first and had a full bathroom. I closed the door and walked over to the next door in line.

Again, I found another bedroom just as furnished as the other two with the full bathroom but the decor much different. Closing the door, I went to the next one and the next after that. In all, there were twelve bedrooms in this hallway; after my inspection of the last door, I returned to the kitchen. I informed my wife about what I had found and proceeded to the second door on the left side of the wall. Down the hall, I found twelve more bedrooms, six to a side. No two had been alike including the placement of the bathrooms which could be on either of the four walls, and the beds which in some rooms were twin beds.

My inspection of the other four doors off from the kitchen turned up the same; twelve bedrooms and bathrooms in each hall all neatly decorated independently. In the last hallway inside one of the bedrooms, I meet a cousin of mine, Kenny. I was surprised to see him and asked if he lived here. He said he did not but had heard I had bought the place and came to check it out. He informed me that the place used to be a bed and breakfast; I then realized why there were so many bedrooms. Back out in the kitchen we meet up with my wife, and I informed her of what Kenny had told me. She got excited and suggested we turn it back into a B&B at which point I awoke.

Entering through a door signifies new opportunities that are presented before you. In particular, a door that opens into the inside denotes your desire for inner exploration and self-discovery.

The hallway symbolizes self exploration. It is the beginning of the path that you are taking in life. You are going through a transitional phase and journeying into the unknown.

The bedrooms signify aspects of yourself that you keep private. If the bed is made, then it symbolizes security.

The bathroom, relates to your instinctual urges. You may be experiencing some burdens/feelings and need to “relieve yourself”. You need to cleanse yourself, both emotionally and psychologically.

Your cousin in your dream represents something or some aspect of your character that is somewhat familiar.

6 hallways; The number 6 in a dream represents negativity. When you see it in a dream it’s pointing to thoughts, emotions, behaviors, or life experiences that are negative.

12 bedrooms in each hallway; The number 12 represents constant problems or the inability to escape conflict. Living with trouble. You may be surprised that a problem will never go away.

6×12=72

Dream references;

dreammoods.com

dreambible.com

One

The following dream is a good representation of my current life. I’ve broken down the meaning at the end.

Sunday, December 4, 2015

I was standing in the office of a former employer hoping to get hired back into the company. He handed me a photograph of an airport, the type that only allowed the flights of small planes. The background was thick with trees and the on the side closest was a field of green grass. From the camera’s view I could just see the long stretch of concrete that made up the runway. At the top corner of the page was scrawled $75,000.

“I need you to go look at this job and tell me if we can replace the runway for that amount,” my former boss said.

“Where is it?” I asked.

“Just go out to the road here,” he pointed to the door outside, “and follow it. It goes right by the airport. If you get me the information back by the end of the day you have the job.”

I handed the photograph back to him and left his office. It was early morning, and the sun had yet to rise. I walked over to my car which had a bicycle hooked onto the back. Since I had become such a health nut, I decided it would be better and more fun to ride the bike out to the site and take a look.

The bicycle had one wheel like a unicycle; however, attached between the seat and wheel was a bar that stretched out in front and curved upwards leading to a set of handlebars. I hopped on the seat and began peddling down the road, briefly battling to get the bike stable.

Once I had the bike in control I began to take in my surroundings. Even though it was dark I could still see quite a few yards around me. The road was smooth and narrow, lined with trees on the left and right, although the trees to the right were set further off from the road where there were some homes and small businesses. The sound of something bouncing through the woods to my left caused me to stop. Soon a deer jumped out into the middle of the road, spotting me; it came to a stop and stared to see what I was going to do. I was more shocked than the deer because of its deformity. The deer which, I soon saw was an antelope, had a normal head and small horns but a tiny body connected to a single leg in the middle of its torso.

Seconds after it had stopped, the antelope continued across the road to the right, bounding away on that single leg. Across the street was a small store, still closed, that the antelope ran down to. At the back of the store grew a short field of grass up to the trees. The antelope stopped at the edge of the grass and collapsed. He curled the single leg up under himself and rested. I stood there in the road staring at the animal, wondering how it could survive.

I had a job to do so I continued biking on down the road, leaving the antelope behind. Some time passed and daylight filled the sky. I was enjoying the biking, the solitude and the environment I was traveling through to the point that I had not realized it was late afternoon. I began to panic, wondering if I had passed the site, and hoping someone could give me directions, I stopped at a small convenience store to my right.

In the parking lot a mother and daughter were coming out of the store. I pulled up next to their car as they were getting in and asked if they knew where I could find the airport. The mother informed me that I had passed it many miles back. My job depended on my getting the information back to my boss that afternoon. By the time I could get back to the job site, my company’s office would be closed. I would have to make up the time by biking back as fast as possible.

I was just about to take off when I heard a couple voices calling, “Daddy” from behind. I turned to see my two sons, who are adults now, but in the dream were around five years of age. I explained to them what I had to do, and we needed to hurry back. My so-called hurrying was moving only as fast as my slowest son.

After a short time both began to whimper about the tiredness of their small legs trying to keep up. Both could not ride on the bike with me, so I figured I could carry one on my back at a time, allowing him to rest and then switch out every so often.

Coming to a stop, I realized I had my backpack on. I knew then it would be impossible to carry either one of them. I walked the bike and the boys to the side of the road, and we sat down in the grass to rest. I knew that by the time I got back to my car it would be late evening and my chances of getting the job were zero. My sons lay down in the grass one on each side of me and fell asleep. Soon after I awoke.

Defining the dream
Everything in an unconscious dream is a symbol to the clue of that dreams meaning. Every symbol also has several answers. How do you know which to choose from? Think of it as a mental puzzle. There are multiple on-line dream dictionaries, I just happen to like, dreammoods.com and use it 90% of the time. If I cannot find an answer there, I use dreamhawk.com and/or curiousdreamer.com.

I actually copy and paste the entire meaning of the dream. Then I go through each line and delete those that are not in my personality or have nothing to do with the current dream and keep what corresponds to the other symbols of that dream; it does take some time. If you have the patience to read through, the meaning of this dream and its breakdown (in order) is below. Regular print is copy and paste, edited from dreammoods.com. Italics in parentheses are my notes.

To stay true to my audience, I’m not being totally forthcoming in defining this dream. A few meanings I kept out because they are very personal, and I’m not ready or wanting to divulge them here.

Work- Dreaming that you are at your former work suggests that there is an old lesson that you need to learn and apply to your current situation.

Photograph- To see a photograph in your dream means that you are clinging on to some false hope. Consider who or what is on the photo. The image may be trying to take you back to a particular moment in time. (The airport in the photo was one my parents lived by when I was 14. Check out my editorial in, “Day of the dragonfly”).

Numbers-To see numbers in your dream symbolize that you need to evaluate a situation more thoroughly. Numbers also carry much personal significance to only you.

(always break numbers down, 75,000)
7- The number seven may also refer to the seven chakras (I need to be more in tune with my energies).

5- The umber five may reflect a change in your path or that you need to alter your course.

0- Zero symbolizes emptiness. You are experiencing a void in your life. Your actions have been counterproductive.

(add up each digit of numbers)
7+5+0+0+0+0= 12
12- Represents cycles and repetition.

1+2=3- Three signifies life, vitality, inner strength, completion, imagination, creativity, energy, self-exploration and experience. (a good description of my energies)

1- Signifies solitude or loneliness. (The one road I traveled, the bike with one wheel, the Antelope with one leg).

Bicycle- (the reason I called this a bicycle and not a unicycle, is due to it had handlebars). To dream that you are riding a bicycle signifies your desires to attain a balance in your life. You need to balance work and pleasure in order to succeed in your current undertakings. If you have difficulties riding the bicycle, (one wheel) then it suggests that you are experiencing anxieties. You need to devote time to leisurely pursuits and recreation.

Road- (this fits the description of the road in my dream). To see a road in your dream refers to your sense of direction and how you are pursuing your goals. If the road is dark, then it reflects the controversial or more frightening choices which you have made or are making. If the road is smooth and bordered by trees or flowers, then it denotes a steady progress and steady climb up the social ladder. If the road is straight and narrow, then it means that your path to success is going as planned. To see an unknown road in your dream represents a path that has not been ventured. You are setting a new precedence for something.

Antelope- To see an antelope in your dream suggests that your high ambitions will only be achieved through a great expenditure of energy, (the 7 chakras). You will experience much success as a result of your dedication.

Children- To dream that your own grown children are still very young indicates that you still see them as young and dependent. You want to feel needed and significant.

Pipeline

There are things that irritate me; one of them is my memory of some dreams. For example, the following dream I had was very detailed and intense. I know there was far more but I can only recall the last couple of minutes. I’m even unable to recall what type of dream, so I will leave that blank.

Thursday, December 4, 2014; defining my dreams
What I did recall is a black-and-white dream, very rare for me because I always dream in color. Twin girls, brunettes, in the mid thirties maybe. Both identical with their thick frizzy hair, height of about 5′ 6” and around 140 pounds. The three of us were standing in a kitchen while clearing the table just after a meal. We were discussing all the planets and systems we had been visiting recently, which actually had occurred in the dream, one of many parts I do not recall. One of the girls said she was looking forward to visiting Jupiter.

“The pipeline will be opening anytime; we can go then,” said the other. “Will you be going with us?” she asked me.

“No,” I replied, “I have to get ready for work.”

Just then an empty wall on one side of the kitchen became transparent and formed an open portal. On the other side, which seemed to be pretty close, was the planet Jupiter. It was so close, I could only discern the planet because of its red storm. The two women stepped inside the portal on a ledge 4 feet wide. Clasping hands together, their bodies stretched outwardly floating in weightlessness. They continued holding hands as they slowly rotated in a counter-clockwise direction while their bodies gently drifted out into space. No space suits or any other special gear, just tennis shoes, blouses and jeans. I watched until they were only specks, slowly falling down into the gas giant. Just before they were completely out of my vision, the wall replaced the portal and I awoke.

Modern Rocketry

Wednesday night at my house is pizza and comedy night. I bring home a large veggie, with extra tomato sauce from Papa Johns, and the wife and I chill out in front of the television. We watch the comedy line up; In the Middle, The Goldberg’s, Modern Family and Blackish.

So it isn’t surprising that sometimes when my consciousness is relaying a message that some of these characters would show up. Of the four shows, I would relate to Phil Dunphy on Modern Family. For those unaware of the character; (1)Phil Dunphy sees himself as the “cool dad.” He dotes on his wife and constantly tries to find ways to bond with his kids. He has a childlike attitude, very confident and always full of new ideas.

2014/12/10 Wednesday; Unconscious dreaming
It was night time, and I found myself outside with Phil Dunphy a.k.a actor Ty Burrell on Modern Family. He was building a small orange rocket about five feet in length and one foot in diameter. We were putting the three-stage rocket together in his driveway; once it had been completed he directed me to help set it in a frame.

The frame sat in the middle of the driveway, and to each side in the grass were binders and straps. As Phil pulled one of the straps over the front of the rocket, he asked me to do the same on the rear. I cranked down on the binder until the strap was good and tight. I noticed the ground was kind of soft and said something to Phil. He told me not to worry—he did this many times before.

Afterward, I followed him into the grass far left of the driveway. In his hand Phil held a small box with a single button in the middle. He pushed the button, and the rocket fired. The thrust was incredible to the point of the rocket began to bow in the middle. I saw the rear anchor on the far side begin to pull out of the ground. I pointed this out to Phil, who began to get a worried expression on his face.

The thrust became more powerful, and the rear anchor gave way. The front was still tied down, and it flipped over, releasing itself from the frame. The two of us could see right away the rocket was on a trajectory for us.

“IN COMING!” Phil screamed.

We dropped to the ground as the rocket flew over our heads missing us by inches. As the rocket passed we rolled to our backs and sat up. The rocket shot across a road and over a field. Grazing in the field was a large stag with its back toward us. The rocket, staying level with the ground, hit the stag directly in the anus. Without stopping or slowing, it launched the stag across the field and into the woods beyond until out of sight.

“My rocket, my rocket!” Phil yelled.

He leapt up and ran from his yard out into the field in hot pursuit. I followed behind until I was across the road then stopped before entering the field. I turned and walked back toward the house. Just as I got back into the yard, I heard a loud scream of panic. I turned looking in the area of woods Phil had gone. He was now running hard and fast back home, screaming all the while.

Just as he made it to the road, I noticed a lion, twice the size of a normal one, bursting from the woods coming toward us. I turned and began to run for the house in hopes of getting inside. Only yards from the door, Phil passed me slamming into my left shoulder. Although it did not slow him down, he caused me to be knocked to the ground. I scrambled to my feet hearing the breath of the ferocious beast upon me. I had just begun my run back when I was pounced on, awaking me.

If you are new or missed any of my posts, I mentioned before that I was planning on publishing an e-book based on my dreams. The dream here is about the problem I’m running into, mainly the layout of the e-book. The following breakdown of the dream is mostly copy & paste from; dreammoods.com, plus a little editing.

Having a dream that takes place at night represents some obstacles in achieving your goals. You are being faced with an issue that is not so clear cut.

An actor represents your pursuit for pleasure. Consider also who this actor is and what characteristics you associate with him.

The rocket indicates that your plans or ideas will soon be taking off in a big way. You are experiencing a higher level of awareness. All your hard work is paying off.

Orange denotes hope, friendliness, courtesy, generosity, liveliness, sociability, and an out-going nature.

To dream that you are tying something represents your network and connection to others.

Depending on the context of your dream, the stag could mean grace, agility, regeneration and growth.
Seeing only the tail of an animal in your dream signifies annoyances and complications in a situation where pleasure was expected.

A lion symbolizes great strength, courage, aggression and power. You will overcome your difficulties.

(1) Wikipedia, Phil Dunphy

Consistency

I was unable to determine when I awoke if I had had a dream or out-of-body experience. Once I broke it down, I realized it was an unconscious dream, my subconscious trying to relay a message. A few weeks ago I had written an editorial that was to be posted along with a dream. The editorial was nearly one page long and explained that I had made the decision to close down my blog completely: delete the Facebook page, the Twitter account and WordPress…ect.
The posting and closing date of the last blog was to be December 1, 2014; however, for some unexplained reason between the time I had written the editorial and December 1st, my follower numbers suddenly began to soar. This has encouraged me to continue. The following dream is my subconscious informing me what I need to do.

.
2014/12/05 Friday; Unconscious dreaming
I was walking through a white rectangular tunnel. Every few yards the tunnel would take a 45 degree turn sometimes to the left, sometimes to the right, there did not seem to be a pattern. I passed other people going in the opposite direction perhaps a dozen or fewer, some by themselves and others as couples, man and woman. I never said anything to them nor did they acknowledge me.

This would suggest that my subconscious is presenting a new awareness and new beginnings. I am taking a fresh look at my blog; however, I need to change some things around, such as putting in more labor and having more consistency. Wish me luck.

Homeless

I stay pretty much a positive person, doing my best to look on the bright side of things. No matter how bad life can get, I’m sure there is someone near by who would gratefully trade places with me—whatever the situation is, it could always be worse. There are dreams that deeply depress me after I am awake, usually they are of other realities in which my life could have been totally different. I can usually deal with them, unless they involve my children or grandchildren.

These dreams I just would like to forget about because I know in all the realities out there, this may be another scenario I am living through. One thing to make clear, my father in this dream is not the father in my life here. I am blessed with a very loving father.

 

Wednesday, June 11, 2014, (an unconscious dream)

I had a very depressing dream to the point of wanting to forget it rather than write it down. I had my three children; Jonathan, Daniel and Marie who were 5, 4 and 3. We were homeless and living on the street. I had looked for work but there was none. In the dream, I arrived at my father’s apartment with my children. He answered the door and when he saw us, an irritated look appeared on his face. I explained my dilemma saying I had hoped we could stay with him until I had gotten work and a place to live. Since it was so late he allowed us to spend the night in his apartment. He made it clear that we had to be out by the time he got up in the morning and if anyone awoke him, we had to leave right then.

He did share his food that evening and went to bed after informing me we were not to awaken him. He closed the door to his room, which seemed to be made of thick steel. Because the apartment was only a one bedroom, I made beds on the living room floor, while Jonathan my oldest, helped his brother and sister get comfortable. The following morning I had to wake up the kids and leave. They were hungry, but I had been afraid my father would have awakened so we had to leave hungry.

We walked for some time, with my children upset because they were still tired and in need of a meal. As we passed a motel, an idea came to me. I took the kids behind the motel and came in through the rear door of the lobby. The motel had a free continental breakfast for its guests. Coming through the rear lobby door made it look as though we had stayed the night. We did not have any baths in sometime. What hurt me most was seeing my daughter filthy. Her long hair not brushed in sometime and her clothes were hand-me-downs from her brothers.

We all ate until full, and I had the kids stuff their pockets with what they could. This would provide some food for later. On the way out of the motel Daniel, my middle child, asked me if he could have a bath. It was heart breaking, but I had to explain we had nowhere to bathe. He asked if we could go back to his grandfather’s and use his shower. I knew what my father’s answer was going to be, but I had to ask for my children.We walked back to my father’s apartment, hoping he would at least allow us the use of his bathroom. I knocked lightly on the front door, but he never came. I tried the doorknob and found the door to be unlocked. I stepped inside and looked around. I had the kids come just inside the door and told them to be quiet. I tiptoed down the hall to his bedroom. The thick steel door was closed and locked, meaning he was in there but asleep. I would not even dare to awaken him knowing the results if I did. Our best bet was to come back in the morning when he was up.

I had to tell my children we would have to wait. Outside was dark, and I had to find a place for us to sleep. Marie held up her arms for me to carry her. I picked her up, and we left the apartment. Jonathan took Daniel’s hand, and they walked alongside me. Marie quickly fell asleep in my arms. I recalled a large stroller nearby someone had thrown out. If it was still there perhaps I could use it to put Marie in as a bed, but because it was late and dark by then the children were too tired to walk anymore.

Across the street from my father’s, apartment was a park. I led the boys into the thick grass and lay down. I kept Marie on my chest and had Jonathan and Daniel lie on each side of me. This way, they could use my shoulders as pillows. I wrapped my arms around them, and we all went to sleep in the grass. When I awoke, I was back here in my bed.

 

The Crossing

As of June 25, 2014, godaddy, my web and blog host provider will terminate this and all their other blogs. Leaving customers out in the cold does not seem to be a problem for godaddy however’ this has left me in a scramble to download all my blogs and set them back up to word press.
I am not sure if this will be my last post from the godaddy quick blog however, here is the new address. I hope you will subscribe again at my new home; https://wtcjr.wordpress.com
Thank you,
William T Carroll, Jr.

Friday, June 6, 2014; (an unconscious dream)
It was some time after midnight and I was in my car. I was on my way to some appointment and seemed to be running a bit behind. I knew of a short cut, a road rarely used from the main road I was on through a small neighborhood. I took a right off the road onto the shortcut. The shortcut was an abandoned road that had become narrow due to the overgrowth of a field on both sides. The road was rough and cracked, keeping me around 25 mph.

Something several yards away dashed out from the left of the tall grass and into the right side of the field. The movement had been too fast and sudden to see what it might have been but it was a light brown or tan and about the size of a dog. I turned on my high beams which lit up the field on both sides and the back of homes some distance away at the end of the road.

The field on both sides grew from about two feet high along the edge to nearly six feet about ten feet away from the road. I began to get sleepy and pushed the car up to 30 mph. Something bolted out from the left of the high grass just in front of my car. I hit the brakes coming to an immediate stop. Whatever the animal had been, it had completed its crossing quick and unharmed. All I had seen of it was a tan pelt the size of a fox, not that it had been one. I continued on, bringing my speed back up to 25 mph.

Far ahead, another animal rushed across from the left over to the right and disappeared into the grass. It had been too far away and fast to get a look at what it may have been but it was large like a deer. It also had the same tan color as the last two. The homes I had first seen, seemed no closer than before. I moved my speed back up to 30 mph.

After only seconds at that speed, my instincts caused my foot to hit the brake as another animal cut across close in front of me. This one had been the smallest but as the others, had the same tan color. I proceeded on, slowly regaining my 25 mph speed. Just within my sight up ahead something the size of a buck bounded over the road in two strides from the left. It landed in the right side of the field.

As I had done with all the encounters, I glanced over to the right where they had gone. I never saw any of them. Strangely no two had been the same size or shape but all had been the same light tan color and I had gotten no good look at any of them. The homes I was going toward were getting no closer. It soon became apparent that when I got up to 30 mph, the creatures would wait and race out in front of me. Below that speed, they would cross far ahead just within my headlights but not close enough to tell what they were.

As I drove I held the car to 25 and continued to glance over to the right side of the road. The tall grass was the same shade of tan as were the animals that had been crossing. I began to see forms moving within the grass and slowed. As I slowed the animals either moved deeper into the grass or sank down. The homes at the end had been in my sights for many minutes but still I was no closer— like a mirage they stayed at the same distance all the time. Sleep began to overwhelm me and I found it harder to stay on the narrow road. No longer able to drive safely, I came to a stop. My thought was to shut the car off and sleep until morning. I had hoped when the sun came up I would be able to get to the end of the road.

I worried that another car might come up behind me and run into the back of me. I eased the car over to the right. I drove slowly as the front of my car had to push the high grass down. Completely off the road, the right side, front and rear of my car were buried against the grass. If anyone did come along, they would not see me until they were right beside me.

I turned the car off which cut the lights as well. I dropped my seat back to sleep. Although there were no lights out I could just make out the tops of the grass surrounding me. Forms began to move through the grass coming up to the car. They moved around and against the car, I reached to turn on the lights but the forms rushed away. I turned on the lights, seeing nothing but the road to my left and the grass around me.

Then strange creatures moved deep within the grass, so camouflaged that it was hard to see them once they stood still. The grass seemed to become thick with the creatures and I began to get nervous. I started the car and eased back out on the road. Picking up speed again, the animals also continued crossing the road once more, still too faraway to make out. My eyes remained heavy and a few times I nodded off. On one of my nods, I jerked my head back up only to find myself in my bed awake.

Castrating Fear

In the following dream, I recall an accident at the age of twelve. The accident and description are both real.

Thursday, March 20, 2014; (Unconscious dreaming)

I was standing in an operating room in front of a gurney. There were three staff members on the side of the gurney across from me, behind them were six copper looking tanks. On the gurney before me was the surgeon instead of a patient. The surgeon claimed to have a way of healing diseased body parts. The parts of the body that were infected had to be cut off and soaked in a chemical bath for some time. Once the disease was gone, and the part was healed it could be easily reattached to the person. The doctor was explaining all of this to me because I had a disease he wanted to help me get rid of. I had been very skeptical so the doctor was operating on himself.

The surgeon was in the process of cutting off his own limbs. As they came off, his staff placed them in small tanks. Once the doctor was down to one arm, his torso and head, he explained to me that all would be soaked for one year. After one year, his staff would put him back together and reanimate him. I stood there as the staff removed his arm and head placing them along with his torso in the tanks.

A year later I found myself standing next to the doctor who had been recently reanimated and restored back to health. It was late afternoon on the corner of a crossroad. I recognized the intersection. It was a spot where I had been hit by a car at age twelve. Standing there in the dream, I relived the accident in my mind. An impatient driver in a dune buggy, accelerating around a car in front of him that had come to a stop in the road. He jestered to the stopped driver as he passed, his attention being bought back to the road by a sudden impact at the front of his car.

I recalled the sound of an accelerating engine and looked to my left. I only saw a glimpse of the car’s hood as my body was viciously slammed down on its top. Witnesses said I had gone through the windshield then made contact with the rear roll bar. This flipped me into the air and deposited me two lanes over on the side of the road.

As the doctor and I stood on the corner where I first entered the road on my bike, I looked across at the place my body had landed. On that spot stood a book store. I could just read a sign on the door, “Closed after hours.”

We need to get in the bookstore,” the doctor said.

But it’s closed,” I told him, pointing to the sign on the door.

You have the keys. We can go over, and you can unlock the door,” he suggested.

I looked at the spot the store sat, remembering when I had awakened sometime after the accident, I could only open my right eye. A friend’s mother was over me saying something but either I could not hear her or maybe did not recall what she was saying. I felt numb all over and tilted up my head. She pushed my head back down holding me still but not before I had had a brief glimpse. Most of my left sides were covered in blood and bent in odd angles. I looked back over to her, seeing one of her hands covered in blood and wondering where she had gotten it. Things went dark until I came to later in the hospital.

Standing there, I thought about the hospitalizations, the surgeries but mostly the many months of healing, rehabilitation and learning to walk all over again. My biggest memory was the pain; it was always there. Some worse than others but it was many months before it crept out of my body.

I don’t feel comfortable going across,” I informed the doctor.

I know you don’t; that’s why I am here. I can help you,” he assured me. “But,” he continued, “it’s going to take a lot of courage and trust from you.”

I knew he was talking about surgery but could not fathom what he would be removing that would help me.

What needs to be done?” I asked.

You’ll need to be castrated,” he responded.

In shock, I looked at him hoping he was joking. He looked back at me sternly.

It’s the only way I can help you,” he said. “The removal is only for a short time and when things are reattached, you will be much better.”

I looked back to the store and all the memories of that day many years ago. I wanted to get to the store. However, fear overrode any of those wants, but I knew the doctor was right. He stepped away from me and toward a parked car. He opened the door and looked back at me.

We need to go now if you want my help,” he said.

I’m not sure, how long I stood there, but eventually I walked over and got in.

My next recall was stepping out of my car from the passenger side. My wife drove me from the hospital back home. I got out and walked down the driveway.

Are you Ok?” she asked.

I’m fine,” I replied. “It’s just a strange feeling not having anything down there,” I added. I was given orders to keep my strength up by walking around and doing my regular activities.

I’m just going to roam around the yard for a while,” I informed her.

I’ll be in the house if you need me,” she said.

She went inside, and I took a few slow walks around the house. I was not in any pain or discomfort; I just could not get over the empty or missing sensation of not having any male parts. My friend and neighbor, Tom came over to check on me.

How long before things can be reattached?” he asked.

Several months before the disease is gone, then a couple more to begin replacing things. The doctor assured me I would be good as new,” I told him.

You think it will be worth it?” he asked.

I believe it will,” I assured him.

Defining the dream;

I am having some anxiety about making more changes with expandurmind.com, because of the effort, time and money they will cost. In the dream my unconscious is the surgeon, someone whom I trust and take advice from.

Dismemberment has many meanings, one of which is the removal of habits. In my case, the habit is a fear which in the dream is a disease. Dissecting it will remove the fear then put things back together to a much better state than before. The surgeon explains the operation to me, in this case the operation is my site, time and money. Dissecting himself convinces me this is a good thing and should ease my tension.

Most of the time a dream crossroad is the decisions we have to make. I am sure a bit of that is true here. However, it is also where my habit of fear started. Through the pain and suffering experienced in my rehabilitation, people did their best to calm my fears. If pain became too much they stopped. If I was afraid of falling out of my wheelchair or not being stable on crutches, I was not pressured. I learned quickly to let fear guide me until it became a habit, keeping me safe and most of the time stopping me from taking unnecessary chances. This fear is valuable to me and not easy to let it go of.

The book store is my mind, and all my ideas sit inside lined on the selves. The store will remain closed until I unlock the doors. Fear keeps me from crossing into that spot. The surgeon still at my side, tells me the only way to make it to the store is through castration.

When it comes to the sexual organs, it’s not always about sex or the organ. A lot of the time it’s about energy, expression or the things we refuse to let go of, such as fear. The surgeon explains that it would only be temporary. If I allow myself to be castrated, “discard the fear” I can move across the street.

Once I get used to living without it, I can have it reattached. I took my surgeons (unconscious’) advice and went through with the castration. My neighbor asks me if it was for the best. I confirm it is, which gives me the answers I sought out. Break the habit and set the fear aside, let it become a tool to use not a habit to guide me.

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